Monday, January 29, 2007

Local Man Produces Brown Colored Sausages From Body

Listening to: Billy Joel - Piano Man


IPOH, 28 Jan - A local man, Cheat Bul Chit, 21 has become an overnight sensation around town after claiming his ability of producing brown sausages from his body.

According to his brother, Cheat Jin Jang, 23 the phenomenon has occurred many times throughout Bul Chit's life, starting from birth. Mr. Jin Jang, who works as a vegetable seller in the local market explains the products are mostly a unpleasant smelling sausage that are dark brown in color.

"This thing happen every day", adds Bul Chit. "I know it coming, because I have this... ah... sensation to go toilet".

"Sometime no brown sausage come out 3 days. Doctor say I must eat more vegetable".

According to Jin Jang, the sausages are of no use at all, and are normally flushed down the toilet. But sometimes, they do become useful, as they are processed into fertilizer for their backyard vegetable farm.

"Ah Ba' (father) sumtime spend all money on mahjong, 4D, VSOP, and China-Mui.... Ah Long then come paint our dog. No money buy fertilizer. So we use the brown sausage from Ah Chit's body."

Either way, news of this claimed ability has caused a stream of curious visitors in the past three days to the Cheat farm on the outskirts of Ipoh. Many were wanting to observe the process in action. The Cheat's also claim they've also been visited by a small group of three men and a bomoh and they have asked him to point out from a chart, a combination of four numbers.

A neighbor who refused to be named, added that a dark green Mercedes with "VIP-plates" also stopped by the Cheat farm yesterday.

The Cheat's have also been approached by offers to purchase the sausages for "research". Mr.Bul Chit's brother mentions that offers have gone as high as three digits. He hopes to make some income from the sausages, as his vegetable business has suddenly declined after news of this story broke out around Ipoh.

Meanwhile, Universiti Malaya scientist Datuk Dr. Rustam Putra Ali Ababa; PhD, PJK, AMN, JsK, PkB, LOL, O RLY (as posted on his door) has expressed an interest in conducting tests to verify Bul Chit's claims.

"I have never heard such a thing before, and I had the impeccable foresight to suggest we should look into this matter, both fecal and non-fecal. Besides, I need something else to do besides lecturing students who's only response is 'tak tau', 'I tak tau' or 'ah?' when you as them a question".

"I should have accepted the offer from the NUS medical school back in '88. Huh? What? Nevermind... Forget what I said." added Dr. Ali Ababa.

Dr. Ali Ababa plans to start his tests by "tommorow, hopefully".

"The expenses for the medical tests and hospital stay will be settled by the govenment", he adds. - Nasional Bawang Ekspress (Malaysia)


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