Monday, February 25, 2008

How Much Did They Spend On Those Election Posters?

General Erection

Somewhere around Malaysia, lucky fuckers are making a killing with their poster & advertizing business. I'm sure all those "Keep Reinventing", "Undilah (insert political party here)" posters, billboards, & banners they're electing for the erection don't come cheap.

Damn! I mean erecting for the election.

By mid-March, they've probably would have enough cash to buy themselves a nice new Mercedes and/or a "nice" new mistress.

I've always believed the amount of propaganda they put up is inversely proportional to the effectiveness of the politician. In America, the groundhog shows up every year to predict the weather (or so they say). But here, some of these politicians will only make an appearance every five years or so in their constituency to "listen" to the grouses of the local plebeians. And thats usually because an election is coming up. Then, once they've won/lost in Kg. Podunk, Malaysia... its back to KL to mingle with the power brokers and elite.

Gambling. God's Way To Keep The Chinese From Dominating The World

Lim Goh Tong and his Genting gambling empire is proof that you can build a casino anywhere, even atop a mountain in the middle of nowhere, and people (usually Chinese) will flock to it to waste their money.

"But Mr.Lim is not here sir.
He's gone to the Big Happy Casino In The Sky"

Any aliens monitoring us in their shiny flying-saucers would think we're nuts.

Someone I knew just struck it rich in the 4D. After many years of religiously buying lottery numbers, he won just slightly enough to cover the "investments" he made with Toto & Magnum in the past 5 years. He's the lucky one. I know many other people who've been playing longer than him, but have yet to hit the jackpot.

There are many Muslims who play the 4D here in Malaysia too. Usually, they're the ones wearing full-face motorbike helmets. Some just don't bother and walk in.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The One Question You'll Get Always Get Asked During Chinese New Year

CNY 2008 has come and gone. Its now the Rat Year, and I'm overdue in compiling my predictions from Master B as to what this year has in store for all of us.

This year's gathering was, as usual, at my 2nd uncle's house in Penang. They've renovated the living room, added a new fancy plaster ceiling, and a new front door with a lock that gets stuck frequently. At the end of the day, my angpow collection was much less than last year.

Coming to look at it, my takings in Chinese New Year money has been gradually diminishing ever since I started work in '05. This year has been barely enough to pay for 3 weeks of gas for my car. Or half the rent...

What I've noticed is every year during this mammoth familial gathering of 7 men & women, plus their families & grandchildren, you'll get asked certain questions at least several times. From my observation of my fellow cousins and my own experience, I've noticed that these questions can be grouped into several categories:

If you're studying:

- When you going to graduate, ah?
- Have you got a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Once you've graduated and working:

- When are you going to get married?

Once you're already married:

- When are you going to have children?

I'm always reminded of that part in Super Mario Bros where everytime you painstakingly finish a stage, that guy comes up and says:

Find your damn Princess yourself!

At least I get an angpow in return....

Sunday, February 03, 2008

The Year Of The Pig Will Be Pork Chops Soon...

We're a month into 2008 already but to the Chinese, their year is coming to a close. Next week, will be the Rat Year. Hmmph... thats good news for Penang, we already have enough rats running up and down around the island. The best & biggest of them can be found at Line Clear Mamak Stall, on Penang Rd. ... they're at least 1.5 feet long. Even the cats are afraid to tackle them, the pussies just stood-off at a distance & watched... occasionally leaping back when they came too close.

Perhaps the large fat rats at Line Clear are testament to the delicious food served there.

Speaking of Chinese New Year, you all remember Master B, do you? Our favourite Feng Shui expert has a new set of predictions for the Year of the Rat. Tomorrow, I will make the tiring trek up Penang Hill to meet him. Hopefully the old man will be in his mansion near a secluded & forested area of the hill.

Stay tuned... and please visit Line Clear if you're in Penang. Food there is good...

Friday, February 01, 2008