Monday, March 31, 2008

Yay! The Former Menteri Besar/Chief Minister Known As Khir Toyo Now Has His Own Blog!

Now that the Malaysian General Elections are over, I can probably go back to writing about pointless stuff and maybe attempt another film/album review. But then, I came across this blog created by none other than Mr. Shred. a.k.a. Dr. Mohd. Khir Toyo. The former Menteri Besar of my home state has his own website!

Of course! I have to welcome a blogger, especially when this dude happened to once command the most developed and cosmopolitan state in Malaysia! Perhaps he'll buy more services from my uncle's friend's second cousin, who happens to sell document shredders.

Sdr Khir Toyo,

Amat menggalakkan anda telah menyertai kita di Internets dan cyberspace, di mana 80% bloggers ialah wanita dan 60,000 ialah penganggur (atau 100,000?). Cinta IT, Kenal IT, Suka IT.

Sebagai primer, anda digalakkan membaca tentang cara mengunakan internets. Ini akan menyediakan saudara bagi mengoptimasikan akses internets anda ke maksimum:

Ingat! Internets ialah serious business!


Saudara Khir Toyo,

Its good to hear you've joined us on the Internets and cyberspace, where 80% of bloggers are female and 60,000 are jobless (or is it 100,000?). Cinta IT, Kenal IT, Suka IT.

As an introduction, have a look on how to use the internets. This will allow you to utilize the internets to the maximum:

Remember! The Internets is serious business!


Lets see if they'll publish it, heh heh heh...

Ok, gotta get back to reading this dossier on Anwar Ibrahim and Raja Petra...

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Mamak Conspiracy

Some of my colleagues have been getting text messages urging a boycott of Mamak owned businesses and restaurants. Obviously this is related to the UMNO-sponsored protest that happened last week at the Penang State Government's headquarters at Komtar, where an overwhelming number of the protesters were actually Indian Muslims, not Malays. If you happen to be in Komtar, you'd be forgiven for thinking UMNO means "United Mamaks National Organization".

Of course, if you happen to be in Komtar, there are only a few reasons on why you'd be hanging around that place:
  1. You're a tourist. A lost tourist.
  2. You're with the cast & crew shooting a new horror movie among the dead, decaying corridors of Komtar Shopping Mall.
  3. Somebody paid you RM80 to act like you give a fuck about the Not Enough Policy.
  4. You're a reporter from the mainstream media, foreign media, or Malaysiakini out to cover a bunch of people paid RM80 each to act like they gave a fuck about the Not Enough Policy.
  5. You need to pay your traffic fines.
  6. You work for the new government led by Mr. Lim Guan Eng.
  7. You are Mr. Lim Guan Eng.

Anyway, in retaliation for this noisemaking by UMNO and their mostly Mamak Rent-A-Crowd, someone decided to launch a boycott on all Mamak business and spread the word by SMS. While many of my friends and colleagues have made up their mind today not to have any more nasi kandar in the near future, I think this boycott is A Really Bad Idea.

"But BrightEyes! Many Mamaks try to act more Malay to get accepted by UMNO. We need to teach them a lesson!"

True, there are some Mamaks who are wannabe Malays. Filled with self-loathing of their culture, they try as much to appear and act as "Malay" and "Muslim" as they can, to the point of diving into the deep end of UMNOs doctrine on race and ethnicity. All hoping for the day their UMNO overlords will say "Good boy! We now call you Malays, and you all can join us! UMNOputra priviledges for you too!". In fact, asskicker extraordinare Raja Petra just wrote about this... and I know some Mamaks like these. Some say this guy is also one of them...

But I also know some Chinese with really nasty feelings about Malays and Indians too... so what's your point?

Back to the proposed boycott, I really think its A Bad Idea, because it only stirs up racist feelings towards all Mamaks in general. And yes, it tars ALL Mamaks as UMNO lapdogs. Instead of stoked up ethnic tensions between Malays and nonMalays (UMNO & Utusan has just realized this doesn't really work anymore), we'll have
stoked up ethnic tensions among the Malays and nonMalays, directed towards the Mamaks.

Any ethnically-tense situation is a gain for UMNO. A bonus for them if it erupts into a riot. 2X bonus for them if it is in any of the Opposition-held states of Kelantan, Kedah, Perak, Selangor, and yes... Penang. Mega-bonus if they can use some wannabe-Malays as pawns for their own gain.

For all you know, it could be an undercover UMNO guy who called the boycott. Black propaganda is not too low for UMNO. Fuck, we're talking about people here who blow up Mongolians.

So instead of boycotting forex changing & nasi kandar for non-health related reasons, or ignoring that fella called Abdoolkadir in the next cubicle when he asks about the new format for the EOCN, our best defense is to ignore any calls for a boycott aimed at one race. And don't react toward any future rallies and protests by the spoilt brats in UMNO, let the cops & bloggers (with digicams) handle it. Eventually, the pro-UMNO Mamaks will realize their masters are only taking them for a ride with promised rewards of Malay-ness...

And 80 ringgit...

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

If The DAP Wants To Stay Relevant, It Should FORCE Kit Siang To Take A Backseat...

Just go here, read it, and tell me what you think...

That tactless arrogant asshole by the name of Lim Kit Siang needs to step down A.S.A.P. What we've all been fighting for and achieved on March 8th, he's managed to fuck it up in a matter of days with his little tantrums.

Do you hear that noise? That, my friend, is the sound the hopes and dreams of the people in the states of Kelantan, Penang, Kedah, Perak and Selangor starting to go down the toilet.

Barisan NAZIonal's spin machines will have a field day tomorrow. Oh yes they will!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

An Open Letter To CheGuBard, Nemesis of Chief-Rempit Khairy Jamaluddin...

Kepada cheGuBard/Badrul H. Shaharin,

Saya terdengar anda memohon maaf atas kegagalan anda di Rembau, NS. Musuh anda, Khairy Jamaluddin telah menang.

Namun begitu, usahlah bersedih. Kami sebenarnya menganggap "kekalahan" ini bagai satu kemenangan moral bagi pihak anda. Mengapa...?

Kerana seorang blogger "nobody" telah berani berentap dengan si Khairy
... di tempat yang dianggap kubu selamat BN. Dulu pada PRU '04, tempat ini dimenangi mejoriti lebihi 18,000 undi. Memandangkan ia sekarang ditandingi Khairy, yang juga menantu Perdana Menteri... pastinya banyak orang kat Barisan Rakyat akan segan menentang dan membiarkannya pergi ke tangan BN/UMNO tanpa lawan. Tapi, anda masuk dan halangi Khairy mendapat kemenangan mudah.

Kerana walaupun hanya berbekal dermaan wang RM30,000 anda telah memaksa Khairy berperang bersungguh-sungguh dengan berjuta-juta ringgit utk poster & propaganda, dan mengupah konco-konco rempitnya. Ahkirnya, orang besar UMNO itu menang dengan ~5,700 undi saja. Dan kemenangan itu pun mencurigakan...

Kerana si Khairy telah dipaksa mengunakan senjata kotor undi pos
walaupun berada di kubu BN. Saya mendengar betapa "recount" dipaksa dibuat sehingga Khairy itu menang, kerana majority terlalu tipis baginya. Mungkinkah undi-undi pos yang dihantar Rembau bagi menyelamat muka menantu PM telah menyebab kehilangan beberapa kerusi BN di Selangor dan Perak? Dan akibatnya, memberi "kemenangan decisive" kepada BR di negeri2 tersebut? Hanya Rashid dari SPR akan tahu.

Lihatlah komentar di laman web Rocky... Semua orang di sana amat kagum dengan kegigihan anda. Jauh daripada seorang yang kalah, anda wira di mata kami.

Tahniah, kerana telah berjaya menunjukkan sesuatu kepada Khairy & UMNO.

Yang benar,


English Translation:

To cheGuBard/Badrul H. Shaharin,

I've heard your apology over your defeat at Rembau, Negeri Sembilan by Khairy Jamaluddin.

Nevertheless, do not be dejected. We actually consider this as a moral victory for you! Why...?

Because a "nobody" dared take on Khairy Jamaluddin
... in a place that's considered a safe seat for BN. In '04 this place was won by some UMNO Dato' with a majority of 18,000. Most people from BN would shirk at the prospect of fighting Badawi's Son In Law a.k.a. Chief Rempit in a BN safe seat. But you threw your hat in the ring...

Because even with only RM30,000 you've posed a serious challenge to Khairy despite his millions in his war-chest for posters & propaganda. And yes, to pay his Rempit minions. He only won with a ~5,700 majority, and it even then, it smells bogus!

Because Khairy had to apparently resort to the secret weapon of postal votes
even in a BN fortress. I've heard of the numerous recounts that had to be done, because Chief Rempit only had a small margin against a "nobody". Perhaps all those postal votes diverted to save Khairy led to the loss of several seats in Selangor and Perak, because the BN fellas there now had no choice but to fight fair? And resulting in the unexpected decisive victory to the BR? Only Rashid knows!

Look at the comments at Rocky's... everyone there has nothing but admiration for you for daring to stand up to Khairy. Far from a loser, you're a hero to us.

Thank you for serving it to Khairy & UMNO...



Sunday, March 09, 2008

Oops! Ex Selangor Boss, Khir Toyo Can't Shred His Documents!

From the Star newspaper, cops blocked off the State of Selangor's headquarters last night. Nobody, except the Secretary of State is allowed access. And all around Shah Alam (and Malaysia) was unconfirmed & unbelievable news spreading around that Selangor was slowly falling to the Opposition. Nobody had expected this.

The same thing also happened in Ipoh, capital of Perak State. Malaysiakini reported a bunch of KeADILan supporters preventing the soon-to-be-former Chief Minister's lackeys from entering the offices to remove documents.

Tajol Rosli and Khir Toyo are fucked!

Soon, all the misdeeds of these two will be exposed. They and their cronies have grown fat over the years from widespread corruption and looting the state treasury. Such as the infamous Dato. Zak of Klang and his Mega McMansion. Little effort was made to cover their tracks, as it never ever crossed their minds that they would get pwned.

I'm sure the documents and account books that escaped the shredders will tell more. Much, much, more.

Hoping to see Dato. Zak in jail too!

Saturday, March 08, 2008

UFOs Spotted Over Klang!?

Earlier this morning, I voted. I'm not going to directly tell you who I chose for Parliament and State in Klang, but here are two clues:

1. I didn't vote Barisan Nazional.
2. I didn't spoil my vote.
3. I think P.U.N.D.A.K. is the Rocket symbol, right?

So just now I was surfing the Internets on this old Hewlett Packard computer, when all of a sudden the whole night sky of Klang was lit up with red rockets. It isn't fireworks, because they didn't blow up in a spectacular explosion, unlike what Koh Tsu Koon predicted. One even landed on the ACS school field!

Perhaps its an alien invasion?

I heard the same thing is happening over many areas in Malaysia. Some of the UFOs are eye-shaped (this one landed in Bangsar), and some look like a full moon.

Maybe "The Star" will tell us exactly what happened tomorrow? After all, I believe in the ever-truthfulness of Wong Chun Wai.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

"Who Are You Gonna Vote BrightEyes?"

Answer in the form of a question:

"Has Pak Lah ever seriously tried to fulfill the promises he made in '04?"

In case that was a little too vague, here's my short answer:

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Why Indelible Ink Will Not Be Used

Following the many examples laid forward by our beloved Malaysian Prime Minister A.A. Badawi, the Election Commission made another U-turn on its plans to use indelible ink in this election.

Several million ringgit worth of ink was imported from India for this Saturday, according to Malaysiakini. These bottles will now lie unused in the vaults of the EC's offices.

Anyway, lets leave wondering what to do with all the inedible indelible ink to the government. But here are some Top Ten excuses why the Barisa... whoops... the Election Commision decided not to use the ink, Letterman style...

10. "We bought the ink. We forgot to buy brushes"

9. "The Datins' and Puan Sris' complained the ink would ruin their manicure"

8. "Its DHL's fault! They sent the ink to Malawi, not Malaysia"

7. "We actually used the 2.5million for a new Mercedes & the license plate 'SPR 9'. Fuck, I said too much!"

6. "There was a typo. We ended up ordering 48,000 units of sinks instead of 48,000 units of ink"

5. "Its an act of God. How is it an act of God? Don't question God's will"

4. "The ship carrying the ink from India sunk to the bottom of the deep blue sea because of typhoons/sea monsters/UFOs/pirates/ninjas/ninja-pirates"

3. "Painting fingernails with indelible ink may promote Goth culture among youth. This is against Asian values."

2. "Black Metal tattoo artists broke into our offices and stole the indelible ink for their tattoo parlors"

...AAAAND... the #1 reason...

1. Boss say "Cannot"

Monday, March 03, 2008


Election time in Malaysia means rallies, rallies, and more rallies all over the country to spread propaganda and gather support from the voting public. Penang State is pretty hot now, it is predicted the Opposition parties of DAP and Anwar's KeADILan will grab a whole bunch of seats here. That's what making Badawi and the Gerakan Party guys a little uneasy. Still, there's very little chance of Opposition getting over 50% of the State seats to form their own little Republic of Penang.

But who knows? Perhaps, when my train pulls into Butterworth this Sunday, I'll see a banner welcoming passengers to the Land Of KeadiLAND.

Maybe then they can paint up Komtar tower red and dress it up as a rocket as well...

Political rallies/ceramahs are good source of lulz (thats Netspeak for entertainment), especially when you have no plans for the night. So, a couple of friends and me went for this ceramah organized by DAP-KeADILan at the Han Chiang campus on Saturday. Hey, its a break from our usual Saturday schedule of watching movies or drinking moderate amounts of alcohol, you know...

By the time we arrived, the whole place was FULL. A flood of people were spilling out from the bowels of the arena and into the parking lot.

An impenetrable phalanx of people prevents you from proceeding further...

"Dude, we're like... full so you hafta sit in the yard, bro..."

No place to sit inside... so the organizers had assembled several projectors in the parking lot for latecomers like us.

"Hi! My name is Anwar! Vote for me!"

The message from a wisecracking Anwar Ibrahim, yelling Guang Eng, and Mr.Karpal was nothing new for me. I've read the same thing in DAPs manifestos. Anyway, Badawi has really pissed me off that, rest assured Mr.Anwar & Kit Siang... I won't be voting for BN.

But to the folks standing/sitting/squatting inside...

and outside...

they listened... wanting to hear what The Other Guys have to say. Estimated, over 9000 in total came for the ceramah. Thats right! Over Nine Thousaaand!

Even the rain didn't really stop them. Sure, some folks did leave, but really-latecomers still came in through the campus gates, eager to attend the ceramah.

The next morning, no word on this ceramah and the crowd of over nine thousaaand appeared on the pages of 'The Star' newspaper. Not surprising, since its government owned. But we DID have an op-ed by Wong Chun Wai cautioning Malaysian minorities that we won't have a Chinese/Indian/Lain-lain Minister in the next Cabinet if we voted for the Opposition, which only served to piss me off further.

Who needs a Chinese/Indian/Other Minister from the Barisan Nazional when he/she is only a puppet of UMNO?

When I leave for Selangor to cast my vote, my hope is the large turnout of Penangites at Saturday's DAP rally will translate into votes. Maybe my hopes will come true. But then again, maybe not.

Lets see...