Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Mamak Conspiracy

Some of my colleagues have been getting text messages urging a boycott of Mamak owned businesses and restaurants. Obviously this is related to the UMNO-sponsored protest that happened last week at the Penang State Government's headquarters at Komtar, where an overwhelming number of the protesters were actually Indian Muslims, not Malays. If you happen to be in Komtar, you'd be forgiven for thinking UMNO means "United Mamaks National Organization".

Of course, if you happen to be in Komtar, there are only a few reasons on why you'd be hanging around that place:
  1. You're a tourist. A lost tourist.
  2. You're with the cast & crew shooting a new horror movie among the dead, decaying corridors of Komtar Shopping Mall.
  3. Somebody paid you RM80 to act like you give a fuck about the Not Enough Policy.
  4. You're a reporter from the mainstream media, foreign media, or Malaysiakini out to cover a bunch of people paid RM80 each to act like they gave a fuck about the Not Enough Policy.
  5. You need to pay your traffic fines.
  6. You work for the new government led by Mr. Lim Guan Eng.
  7. You are Mr. Lim Guan Eng.

Anyway, in retaliation for this noisemaking by UMNO and their mostly Mamak Rent-A-Crowd, someone decided to launch a boycott on all Mamak business and spread the word by SMS. While many of my friends and colleagues have made up their mind today not to have any more nasi kandar in the near future, I think this boycott is A Really Bad Idea.

"But BrightEyes! Many Mamaks try to act more Malay to get accepted by UMNO. We need to teach them a lesson!"

True, there are some Mamaks who are wannabe Malays. Filled with self-loathing of their culture, they try as much to appear and act as "Malay" and "Muslim" as they can, to the point of diving into the deep end of UMNOs doctrine on race and ethnicity. All hoping for the day their UMNO overlords will say "Good boy! We now call you Malays, and you all can join us! UMNOputra priviledges for you too!". In fact, asskicker extraordinare Raja Petra just wrote about this... and I know some Mamaks like these. Some say this guy is also one of them...

But I also know some Chinese with really nasty feelings about Malays and Indians too... so what's your point?

Back to the proposed boycott, I really think its A Bad Idea, because it only stirs up racist feelings towards all Mamaks in general. And yes, it tars ALL Mamaks as UMNO lapdogs. Instead of stoked up ethnic tensions between Malays and nonMalays (UMNO & Utusan has just realized this doesn't really work anymore), we'll have
stoked up ethnic tensions among the Malays and nonMalays, directed towards the Mamaks.

Any ethnically-tense situation is a gain for UMNO. A bonus for them if it erupts into a riot. 2X bonus for them if it is in any of the Opposition-held states of Kelantan, Kedah, Perak, Selangor, and yes... Penang. Mega-bonus if they can use some wannabe-Malays as pawns for their own gain.

For all you know, it could be an undercover UMNO guy who called the boycott. Black propaganda is not too low for UMNO. Fuck, we're talking about people here who blow up Mongolians.

So instead of boycotting forex changing & nasi kandar for non-health related reasons, or ignoring that fella called Abdoolkadir in the next cubicle when he asks about the new format for the EOCN, our best defense is to ignore any calls for a boycott aimed at one race. And don't react toward any future rallies and protests by the spoilt brats in UMNO, let the cops & bloggers (with digicams) handle it. Eventually, the pro-UMNO Mamaks will realize their masters are only taking them for a ride with promised rewards of Malay-ness...

And 80 ringgit...

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