Just Change It!

Time for a renovation of this website... the current algae-green layout is too outdated and too common. Besides, the layout wastes space; on a fully maximized browser, there are empty columns on the left and right, and my writings often appear cramped.

So I hope you like this new makeover. Not quite minimalist, though...

======================

Another thing about personal blogs... ever notice that many of them tend to be lifestyle blogs run by women? Most of the postings will be about trivial stuff... like excitingly showing-off their dolled up new iPod, or what they had for dinner. Included are tons of photos of some exotic Mediterranean pasta and a glass of Chianti... taken from different angles at some highclass Italian restaurant.

And yes, the page normally takes hours to load thanks to all these high-definition snapshots of a plate of pasta at different angles...

Hm, someone should make a parody...

Anyone Remembered Playing "Doom"?

Back in 1993, everyone in my Primary 6 class who had a computer at home were practically talking about this new shoot-em-up game called "DOOM". At that time, the most advanced desktop system was the 486DX. The Pentium was still in the final stages of research in Intel's arcane laboratories... and the "Internet" was some virtual reality world filled with fluorescent-green grid lines, giant cubes & other early-90s computer graphics, according to sci-fi movies at that time.




I remembered how my friends and I were scared by those demons that came charging towards us. The pixellated graphics and sounds of DOOM was something very advanced (and terrifying) to us 12-year old schoolkids... and many other grown-up gamers around the world. Some of us did get nightmares...

Well, that was 15 years ago...

And btw, Cyberdemon(s) vs. Imps:

Travel Report: A Trip To An Island Paradise Near Langkawi (Pt.1)

Nearby the island of Langkawi, in Thai territory, is an island I can only call Paradise. If Belinda Carlisle sang "Heaven Is A Place On Earth", this phrase would aptly describe this place. Despite having no cars, no 5-star resorts, no fancy restaurants, no shopping arcades, and no gargantuan statues of eagles spreading their wings, this place beats Langkawi anytime. No, its not Pulau Payar.

Throughout this article, I will not refer to this paradise by its true name. Instead, this island shall be referred to by the imaginary name of "Koh Krana". The island actually exists, just the name in this article is made-up, to protect it from an increasing horde of tourists like you and me. It is up to you to utilize the power of the Internets to find out what and where this island really is... (hint, its near Langkawi...). By the end of this article you might even have guessed its real name. Who knows?

Welcome to "Koh Krana"....

Fellow blogger 'Magpie' has been here before, where he stayed at the really nice "Castaway Resort". But for me, I'm only half his age, and unlike him... do not have any political connections with Najib Tun Razak, and hence, not as rich (although chalets at the Castaway are only RM250 per night). So I settled for less than luxurious dwellings on the north of the island.

The only way to Koh Krana from Malaysian soil is through Langkawi. And since both the ferry and speedboat leaves early in the morning, you'll have to stay overnight in Langkawi. At least you'll get the chance to buy some cheap tax-free liquor to take with you to Thailand. Since you're gonna be in an island resort, I recommend Bacardi.

Those familiar with Southern Thailand can drive up all the way to Pak Bara and take the ferry from there. But your car may no longer be there when you get back...

=================

Day 1

Since I arrived from Penang late Thursday morning, I had no choice but to spend a night on Langkawi and catch my speedboat from the Telaga Harbor Marina the next day. Well, better make the most of it, so I booked a taxi to Pantai Cenang, where all the hotels by the beach were and where all the fun is at. My previous trip to Langkawi was 8 years ago... I wondered what had changed since then...

Cenang Beach at sunset...

Now this was during Muhammad's birthday, a long holiday weekend where Langkawi would be packed with weekend tourists. As I had not booked my accomodations on this island, I went from hotel to motel alongside Cenang Beach asking if they had vacancy, only to be told they were full-up. Those that had rooms were too expensive for my budget. My luck changed at the exoticly-sounding "Rasa Eksotika", which certainly lived up to its name. For RM70 per night, you get a room nicely decorated with Oriental & Indonesian curios hung from the walls, draped across the sofas, or spread out on the floor. Also included; air-conditioning, television, and a minibar. A very good deal indeed.

As I had only budgeted for Langkawi as a stopover, I didn't do much except hang around the bars, drink RM2 beers and finish this excellent book, which I'll talk about later. Anyway, I've been told by the locals that many of the tourist attractions such as the hot springs on the island had been overdeveloped like what they did to Ulu Legong, and the coral reefs off Datai Beach had died out.

Fire dancers on Cenang Beach, near the Babylon rasta bar...

If there's something to be said about Langkawi, is that there seems to be a lot of pseudo-Rastafarian Malays on this island. :p In fact, I spent the evening at one of the many many reggae bars alongside Pantai Cenang where I chatted the night away with two local Rastas, and several backpackers. Perhaps the Rastas' have a secret community hidden in the forested hills of the island... growing ganja and singing Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" by the fireside? They'll be throwing a Moonlight Party on one of the islands' off Pantai Cenang on Saturday, but I wouldn't be able to join them as I'd be in Koh Krana around then.

=================

Day 2

One of the many luxury yatches moored at Telaga...

Early next morning, I took the cab to Telaga Harbor, along Pantai Kok. This beach had budget hotels and chalets years ago... until the local tourism authority decided to kick them out and build several luxury resorts in their place. Also included in the construction was the Telaga Harbor Marina, now managed by the famous/infamous Dato' Azhar Mansor.

Azhar Mansor's sailboat, which he used to sail
round the world. Now on permanent display...

In exchange for some bread for breakfast, I donated RM12 into Dr.Mahathir's war chest to fight Badawi:

I'm sure you know who owns this bakery...

Below where I sat, boats gently bobbed about in the morning sun. On the deck of a luxury yatch, was a hot Malay chick... up early, and yakking in a very Mat Salleh accent into her cellphone, as her servants scrubbed the deck around her.

Just before leaving to board my speedboat, I caught a glimpse of Azhar Mansor through an open office door. At his desk... tapping away at a laptop. Probably another business deal with some yachtsman from abroad...


And then, its off to Koh Krana...

(to be continued...)

Rick Astley On A Friday Afternoon

There's something about driving down the Penang coastal expressway on a sunny Friday afternoon, and the DJ on Red.FM plays an 80s Rick Astley song...




In case the above YouTube embed gets killed... go here instead...

The 80s would have been a shitty decade with its terrible fashion, over-synthesized music, big curly hair, hair metal, and cars that looked like boxes. But that was the 1980s, so thats all forgiven now.

The Internet goons have a new Net meme called rickrolling, employing the 80s kitsch of Mr. Astley's song...


T.G.I.F.

UMNO Logic: Teresa Kok = Geert Wilders

Its been a month since the election. The state governments have been sworn-in with their respective Governors, Chief Ministers, and Executive Councilors. The new Pakatan Rakyat governments in the Northern States are just beginning to find their feet. Meanwhile, all is not quiet on the National Front. They're still smarting from the humiliation of losing not just one, but FIVE states... a first in the history of Malaysia.

My website isn't supposed to be a political bitch-site but the past few postings have been slowly morphing it into one. So I'm going to take a break from politics both foreign and local and go on to other things for a change. But first...


If all you ever read is Utusan Malaysia, and you consider them a "keystone of truthful media", "paragon of fairness and accuracy" or some other clichéd phrase, then you would think the Member of Parliament for Seputeh, Teresa Kok... is like the equivalent of Geert Wilders. Yes, that Mr. Wilders who recently trolled the whole Muslim world with his new film 'Fitna'.

And the reason why Teresa Kok should be worthy of contempt equal to that heaped on Mr. Wilders, is because of a proposed new pig-farm that she supports. Never mind that Chief Minister/MB Mr. Khalid, and the conservative PAS have also endorsed the piggy-project. They're Malays, and what Utusan needs to do is to stoke up animosity between the Malays and the non's, the Muslims and the non's, so hopefully the Malay Muslims will be filled with narrow ethnic-supremacist sentiment and go back to their Lord & Saviour... UMNO.

Today's Letters section in the Utusan paper was entirely devoted to the pig-farm issue, and one particularly amusing entry written by a pissed-off reader, compared Teresa to Geert Wilders. I wonder what justifies her hyperbole to attack Teresa from a purely religious standpoint? She doesn't consume the meat of the swine anyways.

Now, lets not say any opposition to this project is unfounded. The problem is in Malaysia, animal husbandry and waste abatement technology is light-years behind. Without tech and lack of government enforcement and zoning, you'll get the problem of pig-farms vs. irate nearby residents. Everyone has a NIMBY policy to any pig, goat, duck, chicken farm near their town... because they all fucking stink. I know, because the office/laboratory where I work now is right BEHIND a pig farm that doesn't have any waste treatment technologies. When the wind blows in our direction, you'll get a very awful feeling that not only attacks your nose with a godawful stench, but also your sense of feeling. Your body feels enveloped in a humid miasma, and you sweat. Sometimes you feel the sweat is actually pig-vapors condensing on your skin.

Although to Utusan, the solution seems to be to totally eliminate pig-farming in Malaysia, due to religious reasons. Forget about waste treatment technology and relocating farms to podunk places where nobody lives, no... all they seem to want is Total Elimination. Never mind that the industry serves the dietary needs of 30% to 40%-odd Malaysians, screw them! They can pay several times more to import pork... after all, all Chinese are rich and drive BMWs, right? Well, that sort of exclusivist thinking is one reason why BN/UMNO got their ass kicked in March 8.

Speaking of which, ever since BN's ass-beating in the election, all Utusan's Letter's section seem to be the same old rehashed moaning about how the Malays are gonna lose their birthrights to those sneaky Chinese and Indians, how the Malays will end up like the Singaporean Malays (richer perhaps?), or Palestinians (I'm still trying to picture the idea of DAP-Keadilan troops smashing down Malay houses with battle tanks and Caterpillar dozers). I'm starting to think that many of these letters are written by the editor himself, considering that the format & writing style of many of them are very similar...

After all, I don't call it "Utusan Meloya*" for no reason...



* Meloya means 'nauseating'

PS: I don't buy the Utusan papers, I just read off their webpage...

Move Over Annabel Chong! Here Comes Sufiah!

To generalize, Singaporeans have always been hungry for success and global recognition. That sort of thing happens when your country is a little red dot on the world map and only makes headlines for banning chewing gum, ass-whipping spoilt brats, and executing people for marijuana. The government headed by Lee Kuan Yew has always emphasized policies of success in education and career; hence the infamous uber-competitive "kiasu" attitude of many Singaporeans and their aim to achieve the 5C's:

Condo (luxury)
Car (luxury also)
Credit Card (Gold Card, minimum)
Career (lawyer, doctor, rich-ass corporate asshole, etc.)
and Country-Club membership.

And Global Recognition.

In 1995, a Singaporean woman achieved worldwide fame and put the little nation on the map. Her success story? It wasn't becoming the Richest Person In The World or discovering the cure to cancer. The woman, named Grace Quek (aka Annabel Chong), had broken the dubious world record of having sex with the most men. In 10 hours, she had done over 250 sex acts with 70-odd men.

That's banging 7 guys per hour... ouch.


In a way, Annabel Chong is one example of the Singaporean Success Story... a mutated and twisted version of the Singapore Success Story.

Think of it... no matter how you look at it, its still the case of a Singaporean top scorer (CGPA of 3.70), performance artist and web designer... achieving fame and breaking world records. After all, Lee Kuan Yew wanted Singaporeans who would be successful, famous, and break records, and here she was...

==========

Now, its Malaysia's turn with a girl called Sufiah Yusof. In 1997, thanks to the efforts of her ambitious parents... she became the youngest person ever to enroll in Oxford University's mathematics programme. At only 13-years old. THIRTEEN.

Now you'll say... SUFIAH ISN'T MALAYSIAN, DAMMIT! True, only her mom is. But hey, we Malaysians... like our Kiasuland rivals... want global recognition too, and we're eager to hitch a ride on any global personality, no matter now tiny the connection to our country. Cmon, when David Beckham apparently had an affair with a "grew-up-in-Malaysia" woman by the name of Sarah Marbeck, the local press went crazy with this "achievement" for Malaysia. I remembered my sister bitching about this over the phone...

And eager for recognition, the Malaysian government claimed her as one of our own, and footed the bill for Sufiah's studies. The Malay papers, I remembered, were heralding the genesis of a Malay Supergenius, a young girl crafted into a prodigy by her parent's "Islamic methods". Sufiah would serve as an inspiration to the Malays demi bangsa, agama, dan negara (for race, religion, and nation).


Today, Sufiah Yusof is working as an escort:

"Hiii! Who wants Math's tuition?"

Think about it also... Like Grace Quek, in a way, Sufiah is an example of the Malaysian Success Story that has succeeded in achieving international fame... albeit a mutated and twisted version of the Malaysian Success Story. Also unlike Grace, Sufiah makes much much more money without having to bang over 70-plus men in 10 hours or "pioneer new moves like triple-penetration".

Take that, Singapore!







Of course, this story is mostly useless without pictures... so here's the link to the news article of Sufiah, another link from a Malaysian paper, and more photos...

Major Change For Malaysia Coming This Thursday?

Friends, I may be just a 25-year old engineer living on a rock called Penang, but I come from an illustrious Chinese Malaysian family that has played many a part in the history of Malaya and Malaysia. Many of my relatives have connections within the business and ruling elite, and from this intricate network, have received many a business deal. And Datoships and Tan Sri-ships too.

And for such a prestigious family where success is paramount, I happen to be the outcast. While my cousins became lawyers, doctors, and businessmen, I did engineering in college. While my cousins drive BMWs, Mercs, and one of them… a Ferrari (bought by his dad, of course)… I sometimes take the bus. While my relatives think Marks & Spencer is the minimum, I shop at the Salvation Army at Perak Rd. So, you can see why they look down on me.

Anyway, back to the topic…

One of my uncles himself is pretty close to Patrick Lim (one of the Prime Minister's closest business partners) and Badawi himself, and on Sunday afternoon, he made a stunning revelation to me during teatime at the E&O Hotel. Until the announcement on Thursday evening, you won’t hear about this on the news, not even on Malaysia Today or Malaysiakini. Heck, even Raja Petra knows zilch about it!

Only less than 10 people in this world knows what will happen this Thursday. Nine of them are in Malaysia, and the other fella is probably in Washington D.C. by now. Actually make that 12 persons; including me and my other cousin. I don’t know if the waiter overheard… if he did, that will be thirteen…

Usually, my Tan Sri’ uncle tends to be rather vague with us about his dealings within the corridors of power. But on that afternoon at the E&O, he had a little too many Johnnie Walkers. And alcohol lets out the truth…

You won’t believe this, but you better… especially if you stay/work in Putrajaya or Kuala Lumpur. Better you hear it on this Tuesday than Thursday.

Brace yourselves…

Badawi is going to move both the capital city & administrative center from Kuala Lumpur & Putrajaya... to Johor.

Yes, boys and girls. Our new capital will be in Johor. My uncle says it’ll be around Batu Pahat.

Now you would ask, “Why Batu Pahat?! Their fucking website doesn’t even work right now!” According to him, Johor Baharu looked like a more suitable choice, as it was more developed. However, its also within easy striking distance of Singapore, and therefore it was ruled out. You can’t really manage Malaysia when Kiasuland artillery rains down high-explosive shells on your newly-built 2.1-billion ringgit Parliament house.

Batu Pahat is in the middle, away from Singapore and the Negeri Sembilan-Selangor frontier. Malacca and Negeri Sembilan will act as buffer states.

The reason for moving house is obvious… Barisan Nasional did win the General Elections, but it was a pyrrhic victory. They lost five states, including Selangor and also got their ass kicked in the capital city, Kuala Lumpur. Moreover, Putrajaya is now besieged like the Nazis in Stalingrad. Badawi has to plan a strategic withdrawal where he can regroup what’s left of BN.

Of course, a new capital will mean new megaprojects coming up. Firstly, there’s a new Parliament house to be built… I think you know how much its gonna cost. That’s gonna be Patrick Lim’s job (and my uncle too!), no questions or tenders asked.

Included are new buildings, infrastructure, and facilities for all the government departments and ministries, these will be within a new administrative & economic corridor that includes Muar, Pagoh, and Simpang Renggam. That goes to Pat & my uncle, and a couple other Chinese tycoon bigshots and UMNOputra cronies. Khairy might get a little of a cut, but he’ll be mostly responsible for the new F1/motorcycle circuit that will replace Sepang.

As for Najib, he’s gonna be in charge of constructing Barisan Nasional’s 40-billion network of strongpoints and fortifications in Negeri Sembilan (facing north), Johor Baharu (facing south), and Pahang (facing north and west). As for Terengganu, they won’t bother, since by 2012 the oil will be finished, reverting the state back into a sleepy fishing village. Why all this money for defense when the Opposition parties doesn’t even own battle tanks? Don’t ask.

That’s all that I heard from my ol’ uncle. But expect this on Thursday, and a whole lot of development coming your way if you’re from Johor State.

I wonder if Najib will also build a defensive artillery battery on Mount Ledang?

Yay! The Former Menteri Besar/Chief Minister Known As Khir Toyo Now Has His Own Blog!

Now that the Malaysian General Elections are over, I can probably go back to writing about pointless stuff and maybe attempt another film/album review. But then, I came across this blog created by none other than Mr. Shred. a.k.a. Dr. Mohd. Khir Toyo. The former Menteri Besar of my home state has his own website!

Of course! I have to welcome a blogger, especially when this dude happened to once command the most developed and cosmopolitan state in Malaysia! Perhaps he'll buy more services from my uncle's friend's second cousin, who happens to sell document shredders.

Sdr Khir Toyo,

Amat menggalakkan anda telah menyertai kita di Internets dan cyberspace, di mana 80% bloggers ialah wanita dan 60,000 ialah penganggur (atau 100,000?). Cinta IT, Kenal IT, Suka IT.

Sebagai primer, anda digalakkan membaca tentang cara mengunakan internets. Ini akan menyediakan saudara bagi mengoptimasikan akses internets anda ke maksimum:

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Internet


Ingat! Internets ialah serious business!

:Translation:

Saudara Khir Toyo,

Its good to hear you've joined us on the Internets and cyberspace, where 80% of bloggers are female and 60,000 are jobless (or is it 100,000?). Cinta IT, Kenal IT, Suka IT.

As an introduction, have a look on how to use the internets. This will allow you to utilize the internets to the maximum:

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Internet


Remember! The Internets is serious business!

=============

Lets see if they'll publish it, heh heh heh...

Ok, gotta get back to reading this dossier on Anwar Ibrahim and Raja Petra...

The Mamak Conspiracy

Some of my colleagues have been getting text messages urging a boycott of Mamak owned businesses and restaurants. Obviously this is related to the UMNO-sponsored protest that happened last week at the Penang State Government's headquarters at Komtar, where an overwhelming number of the protesters were actually Indian Muslims, not Malays. If you happen to be in Komtar, you'd be forgiven for thinking UMNO means "United Mamaks National Organization".

Of course, if you happen to be in Komtar, there are only a few reasons on why you'd be hanging around that place:

1. You're a tourist. A lost tourist.
2. You're with the cast & crew shooting a new horror movie among the dead, decaying corridors of Komtar Shopping Mall.
   
3. Somebody paid you RM80 to act like you give a fuck about the Not Enough Policy.
4. You're a reporter from the mainstream media, foreign media, or Malaysiakini out to cover a bunch of people paid RM80 each to act like they gave a fuck about the Not Enough Policy.
5. You need to pay your traffic fines.
6. You work for the new government led by Mr. Lim Guan Eng.
7. You are Mr. Lim Guan Eng.

Anyway, in retaliation for this noisemaking by UMNO and their mostly Mamak Rent-A-Crowd, someone decided to launch a boycott on all Mamak business and spread the word by SMS. While many of my friends and colleagues have made up their mind today not to have any more nasi kandar in the near future, I think this boycott is A Really Bad Idea.


"But BrightEyes! Many Mamaks try to act more Malay to get accepted by UMNO. We need to teach them a lesson!"

True, there are some Mamaks who are wannabe Malays. Filled with self-loathing of their culture, they try as much to appear and act as "Malay" and "Muslim" as they can, to the point of diving into the deep end of UMNOs doctrine on race and ethnicity. All hoping for the day their UMNO overlords will say "Good boy! We now call you Malays, and you all can join us! UMNOputra priviledges for you too!". In fact, asskicker extraordinare Raja Petra just wrote about this... and I know some Mamaks like these. Some say this guy is also one of them...

But I also know some Chinese with really nasty feelings about Malays and Indians too... so what's your point?


Back to the proposed boycott, I really think its A Bad Idea, because it only stirs up racist feelings towards all Mamaks in general. And yes, it tars ALL Mamaks as UMNO lapdogs. Instead of stoked up ethnic tensions between Malays and nonMalays (UMNO & Utusan has just realized this doesn't really work anymore), we'll have stoked up ethnic tensions among the Malays and nonMalays, directed towards the Mamaks.

Any ethnically-tense situation is a gain for UMNO. A bonus for them if it erupts into a riot. 2X bonus for them if it is in any of the Opposition-held states of Kelantan, Kedah, Perak, Selangor, and yes... Penang. Mega-bonus if they can use some wannabe-Malays as pawns for their own gain.

For all you know, it could be an undercover UMNO guy who called the boycott. Black propaganda is not too low for UMNO. Fuck, we're talking about people here who blow up Mongolians.

So instead of boycotting forex changing & nasi kandar for non-health related reasons, or ignoring that fella called Abdoolkadir in the next cubicle when he asks about the new format for the EOCN, our best defense is to ignore any calls for a boycott aimed at one race. And don't react toward any future rallies and protests by the spoilt brats in UMNO, let the cops & bloggers (with digicams) handle it. Eventually, the pro-UMNO Mamaks will realize their masters are only taking them for a ride with promised rewards of Malay-ness...

And 80 ringgit...

If The DAP Wants To Stay Relevant, It Should FORCE Kit Siang To Take A Backseat...

Just go here, read it, and tell me what you think...

That tactless arrogant asshole by the name of Lim Kit Siang needs to step down A.S.A.P. What we've all been fighting for and achieved on March 8th, he's managed to fuck it up in a matter of days with his little tantrums.


Do you hear that noise? That, my friend, is the sound the hopes and dreams of the people in the states of Kelantan, Penang, Kedah, Perak and Selangor starting to go down the toilet.


Barisan NAZIonal's spin machines will have a field day tomorrow. Oh yes they will!

An Open Letter To CheGuBard, Nemesis of Chief-Rempit Khairy Jamaluddin...

Kepada cheGuBard/Badrul H. Shaharin,

Saya terdengar anda memohon maaf atas kegagalan anda di Rembau, NS. Musuh anda, Khairy Jamaluddin telah menang.

Namun begitu, usahlah bersedih. Kami sebenarnya menganggap "kekalahan" ini bagai satu kemenangan moral bagi pihak anda. Mengapa...?

Kerana seorang blogger "nobody" telah berani berentap dengan si Khairy... di tempat yang dianggap kubu selamat BN. Dulu pada PRU '04, tempat ini dimenangi mejoriti lebihi 18,000 undi. Memandangkan ia sekarang ditandingi Khairy, yang juga menantu Perdana Menteri... pastinya banyak orang kat Barisan Rakyat akan segan menentang dan membiarkannya pergi ke tangan BN/UMNO tanpa lawan. Tapi, anda masuk dan halangi Khairy mendapat kemenangan mudah.

Kerana walaupun hanya berbekal dermaan wang RM30,000 anda telah memaksa Khairy berperang bersungguh-sungguh dengan berjuta-juta ringgit utk poster & propaganda, dan mengupah konco-konco rempitnya. Ahkirnya, orang besar UMNO itu menang dengan ~5,700 undi saja. Dan kemenangan itu pun mencurigakan...

Kerana si Khairy telah dipaksa mengunakan senjata kotor undi pos walaupun berada di kubu BN. Saya mendengar betapa "recount" dipaksa dibuat sehingga Khairy itu menang, kerana majority terlalu tipis baginya. Mungkinkah undi-undi pos yang dihantar Rembau bagi menyelamat muka menantu PM telah menyebab kehilangan beberapa kerusi BN di Selangor dan Perak? Dan akibatnya, memberi "kemenangan decisive" kepada BR di negeri2 tersebut? Hanya Rashid dari SPR akan tahu.


Lihatlah komentar di laman web Rocky... Semua orang di sana amat kagum dengan kegigihan anda. Jauh daripada seorang yang kalah, anda wira di mata kami.

Tahniah, kerana telah berjaya menunjukkan sesuatu kepada Khairy & UMNO.

Yang benar,
BrightEyes

====================

English Translation:

To cheGuBard/Badrul H. Shaharin,

I've heard your apology over your defeat at Rembau, Negeri Sembilan by Khairy Jamaluddin.

Nevertheless, do not be dejected. We actually consider this as a moral victory for you! Why...?

Because a "nobody" dared take on Khairy Jamaluddin... in a place that's considered a safe seat for BN. In '04 this place was won by some UMNO Dato' with a majority of 18,000. Most people from BN would shirk at the prospect of fighting Badawi's Son In Law a.k.a. Chief Rempit in a BN safe seat. But you threw your hat in the ring...

Because even with only RM30,000 you've posed a serious challenge to Khairy despite his millions in his war-chest for posters & propaganda. And yes, to pay his Rempit minions. He only won with a ~5,700 majority, and it even then, it smells bogus!

Because Khairy had to apparently resort to the secret weapon of postal votes even in a BN fortress. I've heard of the numerous recounts that had to be done, because Chief Rempit only had a small margin against a "nobody". Perhaps all those postal votes diverted to save Khairy led to the loss of several seats in Selangor and Perak, because the BN fellas there now had no choice but to fight fair? And resulting in the unexpected decisive victory to the BR? Only Rashid knows!


Look at the comments at Rocky's... everyone there has nothing but admiration for you for daring to stand up to Khairy. Far from a loser, you're a hero to us.

Thank you for serving it to Khairy & UMNO...

Sincerely,
BrightEyes

Oops! Ex Selangor Boss, Khir Toyo Can't Shred His Documents!

From the Star newspaper, cops blocked off the State of Selangor's headquarters last night. Nobody, except the Secretary of State is allowed access. And all around Shah Alam (and Malaysia) was unconfirmed & unbelievable news spreading around that Selangor was slowly falling to the Opposition. Nobody had expected this.

The same thing also happened in Ipoh, capital of Perak State. Malaysiakini reported a bunch of KeADILan supporters preventing the soon-to-be-former Chief Minister's lackeys from entering the offices to remove documents.

Tajol Rosli and Khir Toyo are fucked!

Soon, all the misdeeds of these two will be exposed. They and their cronies have grown fat over the years from widespread corruption and looting the state treasury. Such as the infamous Dato. Zak of Klang and his Mega McMansion. Little effort was made to cover their tracks, as it never ever crossed their minds that they would get pwned.

I'm sure the documents and account books that escaped the shredders will tell more. Much, much, more.

Hoping to see Dato. Zak in jail too!

UFOs Spotted Over Klang!?

Earlier this morning, I voted. I'm not going to directly tell you who I chose for Parliament and State in Klang, but here are two clues:

1. I didn't vote Barisan Nazional.
2. I didn't spoil my vote.
3. I think P.U.N.D.A.K. is the Rocket symbol, right?


So just now I was surfing the Internets on this old Hewlett Packard computer, when all of a sudden the whole night sky of Klang was lit up with red rockets. It isn't fireworks, because they didn't blow up in a spectacular explosion, unlike what Koh Tsu Koon predicted. One even landed on the ACS school field!

Perhaps its an alien invasion?


I heard the same thing is happening over many areas in Malaysia. Some of the UFOs are eye-shaped (this one landed in Bangsar), and some look like a full moon.

Maybe "The Star" will tell us exactly what happened tomorrow? After all, I believe in the ever-truthfulness of Wong Chun Wai.

"Who Are You Gonna Vote BrightEyes?"

Answer in the form of a question:

"Has Pak Lah ever seriously tried to fulfill the promises he made in '04?"


In case that was a little too vague, here's my short answer:

Top 10 Reasons Why Indelible Ink Will Not Be Used

Following the many examples laid forward by our beloved Malaysian Prime Minister A.A. Badawi, the Election Commission made another U-turn on its plans to use indelible ink in this election.

Several million ringgit worth of ink was imported from India for this Saturday, according to Malaysiakini. These bottles will now lie unused in the vaults of the EC's offices.

Anyway, lets leave wondering what to do with all the inedible indelible ink to the government. But here are some Top Ten excuses why the Barisa... whoops... the Election Commision decided not to use the ink, Letterman style...



10. "We bought the ink. We forgot to buy brushes"

9. "The Datins' and Puan Sris' complained the ink would ruin their manicure"

8. "Its DHL's fault! They sent the ink to Malawi, not Malaysia"

7. "We actually used the 2.5million for a new Mercedes & the license plate 'SPR 9'. Fuck, I said too much!"

6. "There was a typo. We ended up ordering 48,000 units of sinks instead of 48,000 units of ink"

5. "Its an act of God. How is it an act of God? Don't question God's will"

4. "The ship carrying the ink from India sunk to the bottom of the deep blue sea because of typhoons/sea monsters/UFOs/pirates/ninjas/ninja-pirates"

3. "Painting fingernails with indelible ink may promote Goth culture among youth. This is against Asian values."

2. "Black Metal tattoo artists broke into our offices and stole the indelible ink for their tattoo parlors"

...AAAAND... the #1 reason...

1. Boss say "Cannot"

ITS OVER NINE THOUSAAAAANDD!

Election time in Malaysia means rallies, rallies, and more rallies all over the country to spread propaganda and gather support from the voting public. Penang State is pretty hot now, it is predicted the Opposition parties of DAP and Anwar's KeADILan will grab a whole bunch of seats here. That's what making Badawi and the Gerakan Party guys a little uneasy. Still, there's very little chance of Opposition getting over 50% of the State seats to form their own little Republic of Penang.

But who knows? Perhaps, when my train pulls into Butterworth this Sunday, I'll see a banner welcoming passengers to the Land Of KeadiLAND.

Maybe then they can paint up Komtar tower red and dress it up as a rocket as well...


Political rallies/ceramahs are good source of lulz (thats Netspeak for entertainment), especially when you have no plans for the night. So, a couple of friends and me went for this ceramah organized by DAP-KeADILan at the Han Chiang campus on Saturday. Hey, its a break from our usual Saturday schedule of watching movies or drinking moderate amounts of alcohol, you know...

By the time we arrived, the whole place was FULL. A flood of people were spilling out from the bowels of the arena and into the parking lot.

An impenetrable phalanx of people prevents you from proceeding further...

"Dude, we're like... full so you hafta sit in the yard, bro..."

No place to sit inside... so the organizers had assembled several projectors in the parking lot for latecomers like us.

"Hi! My name is Anwar! Vote for me!"

The message from a wisecracking Anwar Ibrahim, yelling Guang Eng, and Mr.Karpal was nothing new for me. I've read the same thing in DAPs manifestos. Anyway, Badawi has really pissed me off that, rest assured Mr.Anwar & Kit Siang... I won't be voting for BN.

But to the folks standing/sitting/squatting inside...

and outside...

they listened... wanting to hear what The Other Guys have to say. Estimated, over 9000 in total came for the ceramah. Thats right! Over Nine Thousaaand!

Even the rain didn't really stop them. Sure, some folks did leave, but really-latecomers still came in through the campus gates, eager to attend the ceramah.

The next morning, no word on this ceramah and the crowd of over nine thousaaand appeared on the pages of 'The Star' newspaper. Not surprising, since its government owned. But we DID have an op-ed by Wong Chun Wai cautioning Malaysian minorities that we won't have a Chinese/Indian/Lain-lain Minister in the next Cabinet if we voted for the Opposition, which only served to piss me off further.

Who needs a Chinese/Indian/Other Minister from the Barisan Nazional when he/she is only a puppet of UMNO?

When I leave for Selangor to cast my vote, my hope is the large turnout of Penangites at Saturday's DAP rally will translate into votes. Maybe my hopes will come true. But then again, maybe not.

Lets see...

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Fellow blogger Lucia Lai reports on the event

And Mr. Netto too...

Report from Malaysiakini and Malaysia Today

How Much Did They Spend On Those Election Posters?

General Erection

Somewhere around Malaysia, lucky fuckers are making a killing with their poster & advertizing business. I'm sure all those "Keep Reinventing", "Undilah (insert political party here)" posters, billboards, & banners they're electing for the erection don't come cheap.

Damn! I mean erecting for the election.

By mid-March, they've probably would have enough cash to buy themselves a nice new Mercedes and/or a "nice" new mistress.

I've always believed the amount of propaganda they put up is inversely proportional to the effectiveness of the politician. In America, the groundhog shows up every year to predict the weather (or so they say). But here, some of these politicians will only make an appearance every five years or so in their constituency to "listen" to the grouses of the local plebeians. And thats usually because an election is coming up. Then, once they've won/lost in Kg. Podunk, Malaysia... its back to KL to mingle with the power brokers and elite.


Gambling. God's Way To Keep The Chinese From Dominating The World

Lim Goh Tong and his Genting gambling empire is proof that you can build a casino anywhere, even atop a mountain in the middle of nowhere, and people (usually Chinese) will flock to it to waste their money.

"But Mr.Lim is not here sir.
He's gone to the Big Happy Casino In The Sky"

Any aliens monitoring us in their shiny flying-saucers would think we're nuts.

Someone I knew just struck it rich in the 4D. After many years of religiously buying lottery numbers, he won just slightly enough to cover the "investments" he made with Toto & Magnum in the past 5 years. He's the lucky one. I know many other people who've been playing longer than him, but have yet to hit the jackpot.

There are many Muslims who play the 4D here in Malaysia too. Usually, they're the ones wearing full-face motorbike helmets. Some just don't bother and walk in.

The One Question You'll Get Always Get Asked During Chinese New Year

CNY 2008 has come and gone. Its now the Rat Year, and I'm overdue in compiling my predictions from Master B as to what this year has in store for all of us.

This year's gathering was, as usual, at my 2nd uncle's house in Penang. They've renovated the living room, added a new fancy plaster ceiling, and a new front door with a lock that gets stuck frequently. At the end of the day, my angpow collection was much less than last year.

Coming to look at it, my takings in Chinese New Year money has been gradually diminishing ever since I started work in '05. This year has been barely enough to pay for 3 weeks of gas for my car. Or half the rent...

What I've noticed is every year during this mammoth familial gathering of 7 men & women, plus their families & grandchildren, you'll get asked certain questions at least several times. From my observation of my fellow cousins and my own experience, I've noticed that these questions can be grouped into several categories:

If you're studying:

- When you going to graduate, ah?
- Have you got a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Once you've graduated and working:

- When are you going to get married?


Once you're already married:

- When are you going to have children?


I'm always reminded of that part in Super Mario Bros where everytime you painstakingly finish a stage, that guy comes up and says:

Find your damn Princess yourself!

At least I get an angpow in return....

The Year Of The Pig Will Be Pork Chops Soon...

We're a month into 2008 already but to the Chinese, their year is coming to a close. Next week, will be the Rat Year. Hmmph... thats good news for Penang, we already have enough rats running up and down around the island. The best & biggest of them can be found at Line Clear Mamak Stall, on Penang Rd. ... they're at least 1.5 feet long. Even the cats are afraid to tackle them, the pussies just stood-off at a distance & watched... occasionally leaping back when they came too close.

Perhaps the large fat rats at Line Clear are testament to the delicious food served there.


Speaking of Chinese New Year, you all remember Master B, do you? Our favourite Feng Shui expert has a new set of predictions for the Year of the Rat. Tomorrow, I will make the tiring trek up Penang Hill to meet him. Hopefully the old man will be in his mansion near a secluded & forested area of the hill.

Stay tuned... and please visit Line Clear if you're in Penang. Food there is good...

We Are... We Are...

... The Dandy Cowboys!